This time, I'm leaving a letter
by LadyTeefStrife
Summary: "When I heard Courier five's call, I knew a goodbye was in order." A letter left behind by the Courier before leaving to the Divide. Chapters checked by 6jrz422. Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
1. Prologue, Page 1

My first 1st person point of view, my first Fallout fanfiction, and my first fanfiction at all in... more than half a year? I hope I'm not too rusty.

I've been lurking in the fallout section around here but I never found what I was looking for, so I decided to write it myself. It's just a serious look at my Courier's thoughts before the last dlc in the form of a letter to a companion or companions. I didn't name the character reading because I prefer to just leave it to the reader's mind to fill that in with the character they feel closest to. Same reason why I didn't mention if the Courier is male or female. There are only a few points that are dedicated to a single companion, but those instances are clearly signaled as a different page of the letter.

..

* * *

><p>I have seen and done things you wouldn't believe, no matter how much trust you have in me.<p>

I have seen redemption for a man whose life should have ended in flames. I have seen tortured souls let go of their own vendettas. I have seen mad scientists work for a better future.

I am sorry I didn't talk about all this before. New Vegas and the Mojave were far more important than to let anything get in the way.

I am sorry for the days I've been missing. It was beyond my control.

..

* * *

><p>I still wonder why you stood with me through all of this. It wasn't our problem, we could have just walked off the moment I didn't agree with Mr. House's plan. I didn't, and still don't, want New Vegas. I didn't, and still don't, want that kind of power. But I hope you understand now.<p>

House was obsessed with the old world glory, an old man that lived far too long for anyone's good. Fighting only for his own success and using any means to achieve it. Autocracy never helped anyone but the one in control.

The Legion... you know what happened. I couldn't let Caesar transform the Mojave into the new Nipton, nor Nelson, nor any of the territories and tribes they had conquered up until now. A new Mojave, unified under the same and uniform banner seemed like a good idea, but not at that price.

The NCR isn't much better anymore. They lost their own ideals, underestimating their own soldiers and relied merely upon their numbers. They wanted to go back to the old government, to become an imperialistic force. They only cared about their own power.

You know my story. Getting shot in the head and going on a tale of revenge, that's the way I'll be remembered. The tale of a Courier that took over New Vegas, Hoover Dam, and the whole Mojave, given enough time. But that wasn't what I wanted.

I blamed the Platinum Chip for giving me the power I didn't want. The Mojave Express for giving me a job that decided my fate. Benny for kick-starting everything. But in the end, I was the one who didn't just run away. I'll never feel guilty for my revenge, even if at first I just wanted to finish my contract. I do feel guilty for making you come with me though.

I wonder why you stuck with me, why you waited for days and weeks while I was missing. And I don't think I have the right to ask after keeping so much to myself. That's why I'm leaving this here, so you don't wait again. I'll tell you everything, the truth. I hope with this you'll understand why I did what I did. Because I'm leaving, and this time I don't know if I'll come back.


	2. Page 2

Who would have known everything would end up like this? Maybe _he_ did. The one who started it all. The man with the Old World flag on his back. The man who caused me to leave again.

It wasn't a coincidence that I was chosen to deliver the Platinum Chip. The boss at Primm told me the Courier who was supposed to deliver it stood back when he saw my name. "No, let 'Courier Six' carry the package." After all this time, I still try to find the hidden meaning behind those words, understand his intentions.

Still, the job was good money and it seemed easy enough. I didn't expect to end up knocked out and tied, cornered by two Khans and a man wearing a checkered suit aiming a gun at my head. I briefly wondered what would happen, why did he want to kill me and how much it would hurt until I died, but his last sentence made something change. It had been a set-up. That man had changed the odds of something big, probably bigger than he expected, and I was just a pawn in his game. One that needed to be sacrificed.

He pulled the trigger, my vision blurred and I blacked out. But as you know, I don't give up easily, and it seems I still hadn't run out of luck. They buried me in the cemetery and left, the Platinum Chip now in their hands and a 9mm bullet in my head.

Why Benny came all the way from the Strip to intercept the chip is still a mystery. He had already hired Great Khans, he could have ordered them to kill me and get the package themselves. Maybe he was respectable enough to do his own dirty job, or maybe he was just too cautious. But not enough to make sure I was dead.

One of Mr. House's Securitrons dug me up from my grave. Victor had lived in the town for at least twenty-five years, but most of his memory seemed to be missing. After all those years, he said he was going back to New Vegas, that maybe that place would let him remember. Later, the Goodsprings' folk said his owner used to live in a shack there and I didn't give it much more importance until I saw the flag on the wall. But, that's for another time.

Mitchell, the doc that patched me up is a good man, maybe too good for this decaying world. He was the first thing I saw when I woke up, disoriented and hurting. He treated me like I was kin and made sure I was recovered enough to go back to the wastes, he gave me clothes and directions to someone who could help me, all out of good will.

Before I left his house, he gave me back everything I had on me before the surgery, the most important thing, the delivery order from the Mojave Express that I've always carried with me. 'Failure to deliver the proper recipient may result in forfeiture of your advance and bonus, criminal charges, and/or pursuit by mercenary reclamation teams.' If that bullet hadn't killed me, my employers would if I didn't finish that contract.

The townspeople helped me regain my abilities with a gun, learn to survive in the desert. They gave me caps in exchange for easy jobs and let me stay with them until I felt capable enough to go off on my own again. I still didn't know what to do with myself. It didn't matter if I followed Benny or if I spent the rest of my days in that town, the outcome wouldn't be good either way. Knowing I had nothing to lose and wanting some answers, I decided to follow his trail.

I went to the saloon, hoping the owner would have some information about the men who tried to kill me. That was my first meeting with the Powder Gangers. They were just a poor excuse of a gang of convicts recently escaped from an NCR prison, but their explosives supply made them dangerous. And more for a little town like Goodsprings.

Helping defending the town was the least I could do, they had helped me with everything, nursed me back to good health and equipped me for my long journey. We formed an impromptu militia, armed with dynamite, handguns and leather armor, we shared stimpacks and held our ground.

When it was over and before beginning my journey, I approached the cemetery north-east of the town. Silently making my way up the hill as I thought about what had happened and what I would do once I found the man that put a bullet in my head. A lone lamp rested besides a recently exposed grave. The hollow tomb and the week old scar above my right eye, the only remaining proof of my story.

After gathering some of Benny's distinctive cigarettes and information about my attackers, I went south. I had to get that chip back. I had to fulfill that contract or the Mojave Express would send mercenaries for me.

I followed the road, the map on the pip-boy Mitchell gave me proved to be incredibly useful, letting me drift away from the path to avoid danger and come back to it without losing my way. Geckos, Radscorpions, and more Powder Gangers fell to my trusty 10mm, protecting me when my stealth couldn't.

Night fell while I walked, the glow from my pip-boy screen lighting the road ahead. I turned around, looking at my surroundings. With the darkness of the night, New Vegas was a beacon of light, it stood proud in the middle of a barren land, an oasis in this desert, its faint siren song calling out to me and everyone who was fool enough to be tempted by it. I turned away from it, the cold air from the night desert reminding me that I could use a break. I had been lucky enough to not be stung by the Radscorpions, and the dynamite from the Gangers was easily avoided if I reacted in time, but the Geckos had managed to bite at least twice.

I still had some stimpacks left, resting on the side of my precious backpack where my ammo also resided. Knowing I shouldn't spend the night in the open, I loaded a fresh magazine into my gun, determined to reach the next town and get some rest there, the stimpacks I left for a more dire circumstance than this one. With survival always in mind, I reached Primm.

The Powder Gangers weren't too organized, but their dynamite and traps could be dangerous, as proven earlier, and the NCR stationed there weren't doing anything. I needed clues where to head next and a place to sleep. Making myself comfortable in one of the tents, I tended to my small wounds cleaning and covering them so the sting wouldn't distract me further and I went to sleep.

The Gangers had taken the town and had settled in the hotel while the residents locked themselves in the casino. The NCR camp was just outside Primm. They wanted to liberate the town, but they were short on personnel and the traps laid by the convicts were too dangerous. After talking with Lieutenant Hayes, he gave me the task of contacting the Outpost for reinforcements..

I almost did it. But then I upholstered my Varmint Rifle, found an alternative route to avoid the mines and cleared the area myself. If the NCR hadn't done anything yet, they weren't going to with more reinforcements. They were just holding the line, eternally holding the same damn line and just wanting to expand even if they didn't have the numbers to keep pushing, never caring of permanently securing the towns they took under their wing unless it was for their own benefit. Once I cleared out the outside, I went back to the NCR camp.

They hadn't even bothered to try. The mines were still there and I didn't know anymore if they prevented the NCR from reaching the hotel or the Gangers from reaching the camp. Either way, the mines were still dangerous, and having some experience in explosives and mechanisms, I tried to disable them.

Needless to say, it didn't go as well as planned. Their warning started before I could reach them, and the only thing I could do was stay away and trigger them with my rifle. At least no one else triggered them.

Seeing the NCR still not acting even with a clear path, I made my way to the second floor of the hotel, knowing that the front door would be too dangerous and possibly a trap. When I got out, the town and its Deputy were free.

The rest, you already know. I earned the respect of the NCR, and I started to gain a reputation. All because of my search for Benny and the Platinum Chip.

I didn't want to get more involved in it, but after all that, I couldn't let the NCR take Primm. They had seen the town suffer and had done nothing for it. So after a bit more traveling and vilifying myself in the eyes of the Gangers, Primm got its former convict Sheriff. Even if he wasn't the most fair, at least he would keep the town safe and independent, and finally, I got my next bit of directions.

I didn't rise from the grave for revenge. I didn't go all in to save the town. I didn't beat an army by myself. I just needed information to save my life and that was the only way to get it. I didn't have anything to lose.

The NCR had already left a poor impression on me, but seeing them at the Outpost, all the recruits just waltzing around while the Mojave bled, infuriated me. They were considered protectors of the people yet they were leaving said citizens to their own fortune in favor of their own security. But no one could do anything about it, that's what the NCR had become. The 'Legion' some people talked about seemed to be their only enemy.


	3. Page 3

After leaving Goodsprings, resolving Primm's problems, and meeting the NCR at the Mojave Outpost, my next move involved going east. That was my first encounter with them. Ghost at the Outpost offered caps in exchange for doing some recon around that direction, and thinking it would be easy money, I accepted. What I found there... was beyond anything I would have expected. Nipton was a clear statement from the Legion of what they could and would do with the rest of the Mojave if no one stopped them.

Corpses on fire and severed heads on spikes as warnings welcomed everyone to a town of terror. The way they not only killed and tortured, but exposed the corpses made me sick to the core. The agonizing victims crucified in the main street, the blood soaked and burning throughout the town… When I came to my senses, Vulpes Inculta -the leader of the Frumentarii of Caesar's Legion- approached me. His stride were far too confident to be an innocent traveler, and his words far too literate to be a common Raider.

After giving me instructions to explain to the NCR what the Legion had proudly done there, the leader took his men and guard dogs and headed east, but I didn't hear any of it. The cracking sound of the fire and the agony from the still barely living was burning my ears, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness and the sheer repulsion over what they had done made me go after them. My trusty 9mm forgotten, knowing it wouldn't be enough, I took out my grenade launcher and fired, again and again until I ran out of ammo, The continuous blasts made limbs tear from bodies. The last explosion was so close that it knocked me to the floor. And I didn't feel any remorse.

Still in shock, I remained on the floor. My eyes directed to the smoke-filled sky, my ears ringing from the explosions.

Until that point, I had only killed for survival. As you know, in the wastes you either kill or be killed, and if I didn't recover that chip soon, I would have mercenaries hunting me too. I had always trusted my speed and stealth to flee and avoid danger, or the nearest gun if I needed to defend myself. But that moment, the sound of bone and flesh being torn apart, their dead eyes staring at me while I stared back at them, and_ just kept shooting... _

The cuts and bits of shrapnel from the last grenade were digging deeper into my flesh with every breath, the pain bringing me back to reality. I covered my ears and closed my eyes, wishing to be elsewhere. Later on, I realised how much that first meeting with the Legion had changed me.

When my mind cleared up, I ran. Half-screams, hopeless begging for a merciful death and fire behind me, I just ran.

Staying away from the road, not wanting to be near anyone, I kept following the directions on the Pip-boy Doc Mitchell gave me, east until the next crossroad.

I would report back later. I would think about what I had done later. I would tend to my wounds later. At the time I could still walk and my surroundings were clear, and that was all that mattered.

To the left I found the place that probably saved my life. A flag pole proudly standing over a hill seemed to claim attention, the burial mound at its feet had been tended, and the radio keeping the dead company lured me closer with its sense of normality. I briefly wondered if the owner was nearby, but seeing the abandoned ranch on the other side, I finally let myself stop.

I returned to the grave side, feeling its importance without really knowing why. I kept the radio on, letting it keep my mind busy while I just sat and blankly stared at the moon across the sky. It had been a long day, and I knew it still wasn't over. I had to do something about the small cuts before they got worse, and deciding that a closed space with running water and a bed would be a more sterile place, I headed to the shack.

I remember how much I wished right then to have a doctor with me. Even if it wasn't too serious, I knew that if I let myself in and just used chems to ease the pain and treat the wounds I would do it again. I knew it wouldn't be the last time I would get injured in the wastes, and that wasn't the first time either. I had seen what med-X and stimpacks could do to someone, and I rather be dead than let myself fall into any of those addictions. I guess that was what made me want to learn more about medicine. And what made me survive all this time.

Knowledge, ability, or even luck wouldn't have kept me alive this long. Not in some of the places I've been, at least. When you are deprived from everything, all you have is yourself, you and your brain. Instincts take over, the mix of adrenaline and endorphins from the danger and pain keeps you moving. Only a strong resolution and a clear mind will help you survive. And in case I didn't have the first, at least I wanted to conserve the latter.

So sorry for worrying you, and thank you for spending those nights watching out while I crawled in pain, hidden from the world who thought me too strong to hurt and too stubborn to die while I told you nothing about it.

I woke up the next morning, having passed out after cleaning and bandaging my injuries as best as I could. Restoring some energy with the crops from the ranch and promising myself that I would go back some day and fix things -with Nipton, and with Ghost-, for now I couldn't let that stop me. More people would go through the same path I was walking, and someone would do something about it anyway.

I didn't think everyone would run too. I can't blame them.

The trail north was dangerous. I joined a caravan, knowing that I would have a higher probability to survive if I had some help against the raiders and Legion parties in the zone.

It was night time when we finally reached the next town. For once, I was able to relax in a non-hostile environment. I walked ahead, taking in my surroundings. Dinky welcomed us to Novac.


	4. Boone, Page 4

- Boone

That's where I met you. Novac. We lived there for quite a while, calm place, I liked it. Even if my first day there wasn't as good.

I didn't mean to startle you, and I wasn't expecting for anyone to be up there. I just wanted a clear view, be informed of where I was and where to go before going to sleep. But there you were, in the Rex's mouth, looking through your scope being the silent, really silent, guardian of Novac.

Always serious and not telling more than was needed to know, but always watching my back and destroying any threat before it became one. I'm thankful that you trusted me.

I needed some sense of closure after what had happened the day before, take one back from the legion, and when I found the bill I knew that was it. I would be better, stronger, faster, I would make them fear me. I would take out the Legion.

I knew I couldn't do it alone too, but I had experience with guns, long range and nothing to lose. If I was killed, it would just be earlier than I expected. And if I didn't, at least I was doing some good.

But that's not the truth.

I was only doing it for myself. I needed redemption and Legion blood seemed the only currency at the time.

She was looking at me when I took out the beret from my pocket. I silently raised it to my head, her eyes questioned me, but my mind could only scream at me to kill her myself. And then I felt it, the splash of blood and something else on the left side of my face and shirt. The sound reminded me once more of grenades and dead eyes, but I just kept my own forward while the rest of her body fell to the floor.

I had promised myself I would be stronger, I couldn't let it affect me, so I refused to admit how much the explosion shocked me, how the image was burned into my brain for weeks, how wary of you I was during the first days of traveling together. I just looked down and expressed everything by shooting her again with my own gun, the blood still dripping from my left side, destroying any good feeling.

I walked back to you, trying to clean myself with my tattered and already bloody shirt, probably just making it worse but shaking off the feeling.

I had never been so glad to return something. That beret had given me the power to make you kill anyone I wanted. As it turns out, I can do that by just pointing now. Do you have that much trust in me, that I'd never kill an innocent, or do you not care who is at the end of your scope anymore?

..

I don't know what made me persuade you to come with me. Maybe I was right and I knew I couldn't go much farther without help. Or maybe I just didn't want to be alone after everything that had happened. Maybe I didn't want you to wander alone, because maybe, I saw that defeated look and knew how it would end. Maybe I wanted to save one life for once, instead of taking it. Just maybe.

Avoiding Victor, who had reached town just before me and making a bee-line to my room, I was relieved to have found clean clothes in the wardrobe of my room. Finally clean and not smelling like death, feeling better with myself, we marched north. The sudden optimistic feeling making me forget to check the map andthe constant attacks from raiders and more geckos made us drift away from the road until a sudden cliff made us stop. We secured our surroundings, not wanting to be trapped there before slowly making our way down. I told you to wait and you did, taking out your rifle and covering my back even if I didn't ask for it.

The mines below weren't the worst thing. Not at all.

The recruits, fathers, wives, brothers and sisters, all of the NCR soldiers there had been tortured beyond anything possible. Arms or legs, or both had been cut off and their agonizing bodies had been laid as bait for other soldiers, the mines waiting with their happy blipping for the next soft-hearted victim. In the distance, I heard you calling me, telling me to go back, warning me about it when it was already too late. I raised a hand, letting you know I had heard you, and a silent order to not come after me.

I was relieved when I didn't hear you anymore, knowing you understood. I tried to move slower this time, go as close as I could to the mine, carefully moving closer but just far enough to not activate it, some of the other mines were right under the soldiers, making it impossible to access the mine itself without setting it off. I reached the mine just in time, disarming it as fast as I could and tossing it away before kneeling in front of the soldier. I shot him.

You said so yourself, all we can do for them is give them a merciful death, quick and painless. It was the first time I had done it, and it was that moment when I promised myself to go back to Nipton when all of this was over.

But that's not what happened. The truth is I was trying to save him. I knelt down, gave him the few Med-X I had on me, but him, all of them, kept screaming at me to kill them. The only thing left in their abused minds was an end to the torture. Not even taking away the pain helped them, nothing could. I just shot them, collecting the dogtags and the letters they kept for their loved ones in case they were unable to return to them. I put them away, making sure they would be safe and swearing I would get them delivered.

I remember hearing you coming closer, and I wondered if you too had a letter to someone. I wondered if I would be the one to deliver it too.

Nelson wasn't much better than Nipton, the Legion was established there but with our longer range and them not being able to spot us until it was too late, we managed to clean the town and free the NCR prisoners. The next stop was north, and seeing how Nelson had been, I didn't want to go there yet.

I turned on the radio on my pip-boy while we rested, sharing the only whiskey I had. News traveled fast and after a few hours, stories of the recently liberated Nelson were spreading in the smooth voice of Mr. New Vegas, giving 'the Courier' who cheated death all the credit once more. I changed the channel, feeling your questioning look to my right and not feeling like explaining everything just yet.

A feminine voice spoke up, calm and vaguely familiar, talking about the wonders of the 'Sierra Madre'. A place to begin anew. A casino of legend.

I tracked the signal with my pip-boy, marking the source on my map. Maybe someday I would go. Someday when everything was settled down or someday when I had to escape from pursuers. At that moment, I preferred to not mention it.


	5. Page 5

Camp Forlorn Hope didn't honor its name. Injured men everywhere, lack of supplies, lack of everything. I tried to help as much as I could, using the few new things I had been learning from old pre-war books about medicine to lend a hand at the medic tent, giving some of the supplies I managed to scavenge from the dead Legionaries and trying to fix some of their equipment, but that place was doomed. If we hadn't helped with Nelson, they would probably be all dead by now.

It was a shocking sight. The NCR seemed to be holding back everywhere else, but there, they were really trying. There, the battle against the Legion was tangible, not only by gunshots and deaths, but by the soldiers' mood too.

Thanks to Manny keeping track of things in his computer and my stubborn cracking of said terminal back in Novac, our next stop was Boulder City. The Great Khans who where hired by Benny to deliver that bullet were cornered there by the NCR. They had taken hostages and the NCR couldn't act because of more bureaucracy problems.

I snuck into the ruins, needing to talk with the Great Khans leader there and thinking it wouldn't hurt to let them leave peacefully either. After crossing to the Khans side of the makeshift battlefield, I entered their hideout.

Jessup proved to be incredibly useful in my search. He told me the name of the man in the checkered coat and where to find him, having a personal grudge against him himself. I told him I'd take care of Benny, leaving the Khans out of it, after all they were just hired muscle betrayed by that man too. Upon hearing my words, Jessup gave me Benny's stolen lighter and clear instructions of where they wanted it to be.

Once the city was clear of NCR and Khans, I took the time to look around me. The ruins, the collapsed buildings, the craters from explosions, that city had been a battlefield four years ago. The place where the first battle of Hoover Dam ended and the legend of the Burned Man started.

After giving my respects to the memorial for the fallen and another meeting with Victor which made me fairly suspicious about the old robot, we followed the road.

Following Highway 93 to New Vegas, we stopped at the 188 trading post to replenish food and drink supplies, stuffing everything as well as we could in our backpacks. Thanks to my lack of scruple about food, cooking and eating almost anything, I had managed to maintain myself quite well fed even if the taste wasn't too good. In time, and thanks to those failures I did manage to learn how to mix certain ingredients to make better meals, which proved quite useful to not have to depend on raw supplies or canned food.

Buying some extra Nuka-Cola to drink on the spot and taking a breather, we met a hooded 'naïve young girl from California with stars in her eyes and a pneumatic gauntlet in her hand' and her upbeat personality drew me to her. She was looking for someone to travel with, someone who could handle themselves and she found that in me. She wanted to travel across the desert, meeting people to see how they lived in the barren land. After hearing about her family, we resumed our silent marching.

At first I was willing to let her come with us. She seemed capable enough, if that gauntlet said anything, but we were on a possibly suicidal mission and she had people waiting for her.

We followed the road north towards New Vegas, stopping briefly at the Gun Runners shop to replenish our ammo and modify our guns with the caps we had been saving. We had to cross Freeside and then the Strip to get to the casino, and I didn't want to be poorly armed in any of those places.

In the Silver Rush, the Van Graffs and their energy weapons were avoided until I needed caps. The Kings at the King's School of Impersonation and especially The King seemed to be the only faction that were prepared and wanted to defend Freeside. At the Old Mormon Fort, the Followers of the Apocalypse, while helpful and benevolent, were weak, their biggest asset was their will to help as much as they could. And in a lesser note, the Garret twins ruled over the Atomic Wrangler, the only casino in the slums of New Vegas.

We needed to get to the Strip, but after preparing ourselves earlier we were running far too low on caps to pass the credit check. After thinking about it, we returned to the fort.

We gained some caps by doing some odd jobs, but we still weren't even close to the 2,000 we needed. Talking with everyone, asking if there was any other job left to do we met Arcade Gannon, a quick-witted man with extensive medical knowledge. If said knowledge wasn't enough reason for me to want him to come along, his quaint sense of humor was. After traveling with Boone for only two days, I started to notice the weight of the solemn mood, and we desperately needed something to distract us from our thoughts about our certain death.

I remembered Veronica, the hooded girl back at the 188 Trading Post. We couldn't take random people to their deaths, not while they had something to come back to. We left, leaving Gannon behind. I'd go back, once I knew we were ready to take on anything, once we weren't soldiers looking for a battlefield in which to die.

Back at the Silver Rush and looking for caps, I accepted a job to bring a certain girl from the Mojave Outpost back to the Van Graffs for a 'talk'. I knew how it could end, but I remembered said girl. She now reminded me of Boone, wanting to be left alone and ready to give up, but that wasn't going to cut it.

Boone and I traveled all the way back to the Outpost, this time I was going to persuade her to come with us. This time, I was going to be ready, because this time, Benny would be the one with a bullet in the brain and I would be the one with the chip in hand and this time, we were going to survive. And if for that I had to put together a merry band of crazy people with all kinds of issues, I would.


	6. Page 6

-Cass

Reaching the Outpost, I was relieved to see you hadn't left. Telling Boone to wait outside the barracks, I approached you, whiskey in hand as a peace offering.

Rose of Sharon Cassidy. A sober name for a wild woman, with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a shotgun in the other. After hearing your story, I offered to help you find out what had happened to your caravan, letting the Van Graffs request fall on deaf ears. I wouldn't let them kill you, I wasn't so desperate for caps to sacrifice an innocent. Not now, not ever.

We left the Outpost, the three of us traveling back to New Vegas' surroundings. Searching through the remains of the sacked caravans, what we thought was a Legion raid turned out to be done by the ones who hired me to lead you to your death. I saw the wish for revenge burning inside of you, but the Van Graffs weren't the only ones involved. You had entered the caravan wars without even knowing it.

Gathering enough proof and trusting the NCR would do something about it eventually, we left the rest in their hands. For once, murder wasn't the only way to get revenge, and eventually, this peaceful payback will put an end to the wars which destroyed your legacy.

..

* * *

><p>We went back to Primm, the town was finally going back to its normal self, and now that everything seemed settled I took the time to look at our surroundings. The 'Mojave' sign called my attention, against the wall of the building, a corpse of a man dressed with a caravaneer outfit. I searched in his pockets, the strange feeling that something important was there overwhelmed me. As predicted, a delivery order much like the one in my own pocket was on his corpse.<p>

Courier 4, Daniel Wyand was hired to deliver two over-sized fuzzy dice, and like the over-sized platinum chip, the package was missing.

I entered the Mojave Express building he had died against, finding a couple I had met in the casino before. Johnson Nash, the only supervisor of the company who hired me as a Courier in the Mojave Wasteland. He was the first one to tell me about Courier 5, the man who rejected the job when he saw my name next in the list. Feeling I needed to give something back for that information, I offered to repair the old robot sitting on the counter.

I couldn't have done it the first time I was in town, but after having to repair my own weapons and armor, I had improved quite a bit. The pre-war books helped to understand how the technology worked, and the constant tweaking with my own guns let me test my skills. When I was done, ED-E came back to life.

With the couple's permission, I took the tattered robot with me. Its combat tune warning us when there was danger nearby and its laser and ability to float let it reach where we couldn't.

We went back to the 188 Trading Post where Veronica still waited for someone to travel with. Now that we had enough strength to protect them, I accepted her request and convinced Arcade at the Old Mormon Fort. Thanks to the odd jobs we had been doing we grew closer to the Kings. Their leader gave us more jobs, and with them more caps and more favor. The last one, to help Rex, his beloved ciberdog.

Rex had seen and lived more than we could imagine. The mechanical parts in his body both telling about his battles and his pre-war origin. The bull drawn on his right side, the tell-tale signs that he was once with the Legion. And now his peaceful life at the King's side.

After talking with Julie Farkas once again, the leader of sorts of the Followers of the Apocalypse's chapter in Vegas and informing back to the King, he tasked us to take Rex to Jacobstown where he could receive the surgery he needed.

We were almost ready to go after Benny once again. We were a small army, each with their own strengths and weakness, but we weren't properly equipped to stand a large assault.

Going north to the Crimson Caravan Company, we restored our supplies. Now that we were more than two we needed more food and more water, and we desperately needed some armor and improved weapons for the newcomers. After spending most of our caps on equipment and daily needs, we headed south-west to Camp McCarran. The NCR base there would be useful to find honest jobs with decent payment.

What I wasn't expecting was a bounty hunter job. Or having to bring back the fiend's intact heads.

It wasn't a pretty job. The sickening feeling when cutting through bone, severing their heads, covering the still warm flesh in old clothes and carefully placing them in my backpack to not spill more blood. And then do it two times more. By the time we finished, I didn't feel anything. Maybe I was in shock, or maybe I just grew used to it. After all we drank after that job, I can't remember much of what happened next, but by the end of the day we had seven hundred caps more, a dog's brain for Rex, and a horrible headache.

Far north-west was Jacobstown, in which after some more odd jobs for the super mutants and Henry, the doctor who was trying to help the mutants, we gained a new and curious addition to our merry band. Lily the nightkin was brute force, but her helpful and friendly personality begged to differ. Armed with a massive make-shift sword, the grandmother and the aggressive voice inside her head fought for dominance, the medicine made by Doctor Henry, the only thing stopping "Leo".

With a new brain and after the surgery at doctor Henry's hands, Rex was healed and ready to go back with his master. Back in New Vegas, the King offered the ciberdog to accompany us.

Lily, Rex, Arcade, Veronica, ED-E, Cass, Boone, and I. We were ready. We had the caps for the credit check, we were armed and protected, the constant assaults in the wastes training us to fight and survive as a group. But there was something I had to do before seeing Benny.

Going back south, we stopped in Novac. After making sure everyone would be comfortable enough in my room while we were gone, I asked Boone to be the only one to accompany me. We followed Highway 95 south, going west by Route 164 until we reached the town of nightmares.

As we entered Nipton, I was filled with the same uneasy feeling from the first time. No one had bothered to do anything about it, and most of the victims in the hall were still alive. After agreeing that the only thing we could do for them was giving them a merciful death, Boone stood back, silently watching over me as he has always done, respecting and knowing that if I had come all the way back here it was because I had reasons to do it. I took out my new Sniper Rifle, aiming carefully, making sure it would be as fast and painless as possible. And then shot.


	7. Page 7

Gathering the team again and going back to New Vegas, we approached the securitron guarding the doors to the Strip. We had more than enough caps now, and we were prepared for anything that could happen. Passing through the door and regretting having saved so many caps for nothing thanks to my recently acquired ability with computers, we stood on the Strip. And before we could search for Benny, a familiar securitron approached us, telling me to go see Mr. House.

If our deeds against the Legion and the assistance we gave the NCR hadn't already, the fact that I had been the only living creature that made it in and out of the Lucky 38 alive made me known throughout all New Vegas, eventually forcing the two main forces fighting over it to request my support. But Mr. House had other plans. He wanted Vegas for himself, saying he would work for the good of mankind thanks to the platinum chip he hired me to bring.

He wanted the chip back no matter what. He wanted power for himself, secure his position as the supreme ruler of New Vegas. Still, the contract had to be fulfilled and I had already planned to pay a visit to the leader of the chairmen. I'd just get the chip back, give it to Mr. House, fulfill the contract and be done with it. I didn't care about what happened after that, I just wanted to get out of whatever big plan Mr. House and Benny had.

In truth, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know what was Benny thinking when he betrayed Mr. House. Why would he try to kill someone for the chip if he already had a secure position as the main ruler of the Tops casino? What was so important to risk everything for it? It wasn't just about the delivery anymore.

I thought about how to approach him. I wanted answers, not a gunfight, and I doubted Benny would risk to open fire if I didn't show up alone. We hid the recently bought silenced .22 pistols and switchblades, knowing we wouldn't be able to enter the casino fully armed. I tried to calm down, get in, grab the chip, get out. It seemed simple enough.

The man behind the desk at the entrance asked us to give him our weapons like I expected him to, and while we gave him our heavy guns I tried to get some information about the place. Benny was definitely the leader, but the man at the greeter's side seemed to be his second. Knowing that the proof I had gathered and my carefully planned words could help us with that one, I approached him.

As we knew, the man who shot me didn't have his old tribe in mind when he shot me and betrayed Mr. House, and now that the chairmen wouldn't be a problem, I approached my objective, his bodyguards the only thing between him and me.

He recognized me, tried to convince us to not do anything rash. I talked to him, showing that I had no intention of killing him and convinced him to go somewhere private while everyone else stayed in the casino.

While he guided me to the suite, I took the time to really look at him. This time he wasn't above me, I wasn't on my knees, and I had freedom to do what I wanted with him. This time, I knew I had the upper hand. I had played with him the same way he had played with many people before. He walked to the front, with his back towards me, completely vulnerable. When we arrived, I carefully closed the door behind me. I briefly wondered if I should get my answers from him instead of Mr. House, if this trickery was the best way to do things.

Wisely choosing my words and steadying myself, I made sure he was distracted and pulled out my carefully hidden switchblade. I approached him, standing right in front of him and looking him in the eye. With a swift movement, I stabbed his left leg.

I kept the blade there while I looked at him, slightly twisting the blade when he tried to move. I was going to make him pay, I wanted him to see what he had done, what he had caused, what he had changed. When his voice became too loud, I turned around him, restraining his movements and covering his mouth with one hand while I took out the blade with the other. I stabbed him again, this time in his right shoulder. I let go of the blade, reaching for my gun and placing it against his head.

I wanted him to suffer, the same way all the Great Khans he had betrayed had suffered, the same way I had suffered in the long journey to get to him. The wounds, the bleeding, the pain, the despair, the helplessness, the hunger and thirst, the lack of sleep because _I had to push forward._ I wanted him to feel all of it. But I'm not like him, I'm not like the Legion. I wouldn't humiliate him by keeping him tied and on his knees, I wouldn't torture him until any sliver of sanity was gone from his mind.

I shot him. Straight in the head, a merciful death, like he had tried to give me.


	8. Page 8

I thought it was over. The chip was mine to take and Benny was dead. I had taken my revenge, cold and unfeeling, and for an instant, I felt free.

After recovering the chip from Benny's body, I tried to search for some sort of clue, something that told me how Benny knew about the chip and Mr. House's plan. Behind a closed door in his suite, I found my answers.

Thanks to his programming, YesMan answered each of my questions. The chip was a data storage device, what kind of information was inside was still a mystery, but it would be used to take the dam and rule over the Mojave, as Benny and Mr. House wanted.

As always since I accepted this cursed job, my fate was sealed. If I gave the chip to Mr. House, he would use it to extend his power. If I gave it to the NCR and helped them, they would make the Mojave their backyard. If I helped the Legion, they would transform the Mojave into a unified river of blood.

I'm just a courier. A courier in who's hand rests the fate of New Vegas and the Mojave.

We exited the Tops, platinum chip in hand. I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't give it to Mr. House, of that I was sure. YesMan had offered for me to continue Benny's plan, make New Vegas mine. I considered his offer, neither of the three forces would work for anyone's benefit but themselves, and if I drove them away, New Vegas could archive independence, be a nation of its own.

Every little odd job has been working for the good of every town I have passed by. I have won the respect and affection of every small town. I have made allies out of former enemies and isolated tribes, helped them thrive and prosper. I'm too deep into this war to just give up now. I can do something good, and I'm going to try. If someone has to shape the Mojave, I'll be the one, and now that everyone had shown their cards, I was going to play mine.

My next step was entering the Lucky 38 and taking out Mr. House from the race. If I wanted an independent New Vegas I needed to hook up YesMan to the mainframe of the casino, granting me the control of the securitrons in the Strip. When I found the hidden room with Mr. House's real body, my confidence in what I was doing returned with renewed force. Mr. House was almost a corpse. A man that had lived far too long, obsessed with his own glory. His promises of long life and prosperity, foul and dark.

I didn't want to drag you into this war too, but I needed help and you seemed happy enough reminding me how crazy this quest was while following me to the depths of hell itself.

After making as many allies as I could and a little expedition back in Utah, we went south, taking out every single Legionary in our path to the Fort. That was the day Caesar died. We needed to reach the bunker under the Legionaries main camp, and I had heard more than I needed to know from a living ghost. The story about Caesar's life and his drive, how everything started and how Joshua Graham ended. I gave redemption to the ghost, now I needed to put an end to the tyrant.

We knew Caesar's death wouldn't stop the Legion, but without him, they would crumble and die in a few years. We entered the Fort, dozens of Legionaries coming towards us. We slowly made our way up towards Caesar, trying to free the slaves while not getting killed.

When the outside was clean, we assisted our wounds, tried to regain some strength before the final rush. Inside the tent before us was Caesar with his strongest men, and we needed to be prepared. I took out my grenade launcher, planning to use it to create a distraction before the main assault.

We went in, I fired three shots before changing to my main gun and strafing left. Caesar and his men followed me, their melee combat being overpowered by our range, my speed letting me keep the Legionaries away from you. Or at least so I thought. Before I could do anything about it, Caesar used his displacer glove and blasted you while I tried to get away from the remaining bodyguards. When there was only two left, Caesar came towards me, fist in the air ready to strike.

I avoided it just in time, but the blast sent me flying to the other side. That's when I saw you. Like me, you were on the floor, hurting and unable to get up to keep fighting. I thought it was the end, maybe we should have tried to sneak past the legionaries to the bunker, maybe we should have avoided it altogether. But now we were about to die if I didn't think of something _and fast_.

Knowing they had won, Caesar and his men approached us slowly, ready to deal the final blow. That's when I remembered them. The stimpacks I always carry in the ammo slots of my belt. I took them out, applying them on myself, instantly regaining some strength. Caesar looked at me, knowing I wasn't done yet. With a swift movement I opened the pouch of chems I had always carried with me as an emergency measure. It was the only thing I could do to survive. We were almost done for, lacking the strength to resist another blow. I took some of each before they could stop me and filled my body with the drugs.

When I regained my senses, Caesar was dead.

Hours passed before we felt strong enough to continue. The bunker under the Fort was filled with Mr. House's securitrons, enough to form an army. I activated and then upgraded them with the data in the platinum chip, making them the force that would stop both the NCR and the Legion from taking over the Mojave.

After a brief visit to Black Mountain where we met the last addition to our misfits band, a Ghoul by the name of Raul, we went back to Novac. The only thing left for us to do, wait until the second battle of Hoover Dam started and be there to finish it. After two months of struggles, we finally had some time for ourselves.


	9. Page 9

That was the first time I took the time to reflect on everything. On you, on what had happened, on what could happen. And the first time I thought about writing this letter.

Raul the ghoul vaquero, Rex the ciberdog, Lily the super mutant, Arcade the enclave renegade and doctor, Veronica the brotherhood scribe, ED-E the enclave eyebot, Cass the caravaneer, Boone the First Recon Sniper. When we met, some of us wanted to find a place to die, revenge, re-discover who we were, or simply a way to escape our pursuers. I'd like to think all that is behind us.

At that time, I couldn't tell you where I went when I disappeared before sunrise. The battle of Hoover Dam was closer each day, and we needed to keep our focus on it. But as promised, in this letter I'll tell you what happened, what I've seen, what I've done.

After my little escapade to Utah, I remembered the marker I set near Nelson. The radio of my pip-boy had detected a prerecorded broadcast coming from an old abandoned bunker belonging to the Brotherhood of Steel. The same message was played again and again, a feminine voice spoke about the Sierra Madre, a casino of legend.

Curiosity took the best of me, and after leaving a note, I left.

Back in the minefield between Nelson and Camp Forlorn Hope and now that the mines where cleared, with the information from the dogtags and letters the NCR was able to inform the victims' families. I couldn't thank enough the NCR for giving a proper burial to the soldiers who died there by my hand.

I crossed that no-man's land, the object of my curiosity stood at the other side of it. I fought the memories of cries for help and mercy, my eyes fixed east. When I arrived, I checked my map again. Before me stood what seemed to be a manhole, leading somewhere underground and the source of the radio signal.

I entered what seemed to be a bunker, leading to rooms in four directions. On either side of me were some cots and scientific material, but in front of me stood a radio, the source of the feminine voice. When I approached it, a gas trap made me lose consciousness.

When I came to my senses, I had been stripped of all my equipment and had been dressed in a white jumpsuit. While assessing damage, I felt something heavy surrounding my neck. Tentatively touching the metallic device I made out what it was. I had seen the explosive collars before on Legion slaves, and the final result of wearing one isn't very healthy. Before I could figure out how to take it off, a hologram appeared from the fountain in front of me.

It was a well preserved piece of old world technology, like all the Sierra Madre and its surroundings were. The hologram was none other than Father Elijah, Veronica's mentor, the man who put his own wishes over the safety of his Brotherhood of Steel chapter. He was somewhere nearby, using his knowledge to give orders to everyone who he managed to trap. He wanted to access the casino's vault, and for that he needed pawns. Me, and every single poor soul who followed the same broadcast.

The Madre's wonders had made everyone who came before me fight each other for the treasures, killing what should have been companions in this hostile environment. The toxic red cloud hanging above and around the Sierra Madre preserved everything in it, but made it impossible to survive or escape. And if I tried to get through the only exit, Elijah would activate my collar.

Elijah had tested against the greed, connecting the collars between each other so we would work together. If someone with a collar got killed, every collar would explode after a short delay. The collars reacted to nearby radios too, making them one of the top priorities to either destroy, disable, or avoid.

The pockets of toxic cloud could kill you in seconds, the burning sensation on unprotected skin and eyes could blurry your sight and make you get lost trying to find the exit to the torture, only to wander deeper into it. The air itself burned my lungs with every breath and made my eyes water, making it difficult to not get lost and enter another area with a high concentration of the red cloud.

Doing my best to keep my mind clear and searching for some kind of weapon and supplies, I found the ghost people. Humans from before the war encased in hazmat suits, whose long and permanent exposure to the cloud had changed into something else. The first time I saw one I only had a knife with me, the narrow alleys prevented me from sneaking by it. I slowly approached it, ready to stab and run past to my objective. When it seemed defeated, I started to run. When I thought I had escaped danger, I got hit by a lance. They assemble primitive weapons to hunt, they chase their pray until it dies and then drag it to the cloud. They don't get tired and they can't be stopped by bullets.

As I fell, the lance still stuck in my back, I saw it approach. I tried to focus, knowing I wouldn't survive another hit and what would happen if it managed to get a hold on me. With some effort, I took the lance out, throwing it back at it but missing. When it grabbed me, I tried to break free with my knife, cutting again and again until it fell again. I knew it would get up again, Elijah wasn't bluffing, the ghost people are virtually immortal, the only way to stop them was to disintegrate or cut off their limbs.

Following his advice, I prepared my knife and tried not to remember the last time as I cut off its head.

It didn't get up again, its glowing blood staining my clothes and knife. I took the lances he was carrying, there were more ghost people out there, and I needed to be better prepared if I wanted to get out alive. Elijah's orders said to gather the other three pawns with collars, to work as a team with them to enter the Sierra Madre. I took a stimpack from my pocket. It was the only one I had found so far, but I didn't have any means to clean and dress the wound on my back and the poisonous cloud was burning my exposed flesh.

I felt the rush through my veins, the thrill and numbing of the pain. My vision blurred and my mind was blank for a moment. The pain, the burning, the sudden use of chems, everything reacted against my body and I panicked. Not being armed, the immortal hunters, the red cloud, the collar around my neck, the traps laid by greedy captives... everything was hostile and lethal.

Collecting everything of use, searching for abandoned stashes, and trading at the vending machines that could create anything, I made my way to the other three 'collars', as Elijah called the captives.

Dean Domino, now a ghoul, he had been a famous singer before the war. His obsession to surpass Frederick Sinclair, the owner of the Sierra Madre, drove him to his death.

Dog and God, a nightkin who suffered from dual personality. Dog tried to keep his voice of reason quiet, only hurting himself. He was full of raw power and bloodlust without control, an insatiable hunger always obeying a 'master'. Elijah was more than happy to let the super mutant serve him. God however tried to protect Dog and stop him from hurting himself, from being a puppet in Elijah's grasp.

And the last one was a woman. Christine Royce, a Paladin of the Circle of Steel and former Scribe of the Brotherhood.

I met Christine in the Medical District. Domino had locked her in an Auto-Doc where her vocal cords were torn out. A partial surgery which would give her Vera Keye's voice, the voice that would open the vault of the Sierra Madre. She was expressive enough for me to understand her, I explained the situation to her, we had to work together in order to survive.

We followed Elijah's instructions and made our way to our positions, fighting ghost people, defusing traps, destroying radios, and avoiding the cloud. Everything else, felt like a rush. I wanted it to end as soon as possible, running through streets towards my position and back to the casino, avoiding the ghost people and hiding from their spears.

When I entered the Sierra Madre the others were already in, and by the end of the day, I was the only one who got out.


	10. Page 10

Elijah's new instructions were to confront the other collars. Inside of the Sierra Madre, he couldn't trigger the explosive himself, and if we were on different floors, the signal of a collar exploding wouldn't make the rest go off either. He needed the courier with the pip-boy to kill the others, but I had other plans.

After talking with Dog and Domino, I found Christine. She had used the Auto-Doc in Vera's room to perform the other half of the surgery. She had been through horrible experiments in her pursuit, her mission to stop Elijah was almost forgotten in her obsession for revenge. I promised I would take care of him myself, to use her new voice to open the door to the vault where Elijah is now sealed from the world until the day he dies.

When I entered the vault, I realized what it truly was. Elijah thought he would find the secrets to old world technology there, a way to use the cloud and the holograms, but that vault was built for a person. A safe haven built for Vera, her voice the only way to open it. Gold and supplies lied on the tables, untouched.

I took one of the gold bars from the pile, feeling it between my hands. I could only imagine how many caps they would be worth, I wouldn't have to worry ever again about doing odd jobs for money, but their weight wouldn't let me run if I carried them all and I didn't have a backpack with me. The pre-war money and supplies would be useful too, at the moment I was down to a few stimpacks and chems that I didn't want to use.

When Elijah contacted me again, I knew what I had to do. It wasn't the moment to succumb to the greed. After thinking about it, I returned the gold bar to its place, opening the door of the vault and going back to the casino without letting Elijah see me. Once he accessed the terminal inside, the door sealed behind him, locking him in the vault forever.

The technology I had seen in the Sierra Madre and the villa made me rethink about New Vegas. Elijah wanted to use the cloud to cleanse the Mojave of the NCR, the holograms as a one-man army, the vending machines to create a world without 'need'. A new world under a Brotherhood of Steel's flag.

I knew where I had to go next. The Big Empty, the place where Elijah found the explosive collars, where he learned about the Sierra Madre. If I could have that technology, my attempt at keeping the Mojave and New Vegas as an independent land would become much more certain, I could make a prosperous nation, something to be proud of instead of something made to just keep things as they were. I crossed the gate to my freedom, my collar now in my hand instead of around my neck.

When I got back to the bunker, the broadcast had changed. The alert that had been replaced by Vera's welcoming voice now bid me goodbye, almost congratulating me. I approached the radio one last time and turned it off, letting the silence hang in the air as I made my way out of the bunker.

I tried to search for some clues with my pip-boy, finding them in the form of another broadcast. It was night by the time I found the source. South of Nipton, a crashed satellite stood in the Mojave Drive-in, sending a broken radio signal. Not knowing what to do about it, I sat besides it, letting my lungs fill with the cold air from the desert night, cleaning them from the toxic cloud.

My body felt numb, the effects of the cloud and chems, the stress from the hostile environment, the uncomfortable feeling around my neck, all slowly disappeared. Realizing I still had the collar in my hand, now that it was safe, I tinkered with it, removing the explosives from the collar and keeping the metallic device with me. Somehow, it felt wrong to just throw it away, and after a moment, I decided to bury it in my old grave if I ever went back to Goodsprings, let it be another mark of how I had cheated death.

At that thought, my hand rose to the scar above my right eye, tracing it with my fingers and reminding me that I now had a few more scars than the first time I touched it. I knew the wound on my back would probably scar as well, not being able to treat it properly, same as the other cuts I had on me after my encounters with the ghost people.

I treated them as best as I could, using alcohol to disinfect the wounds and scraps of old pre-war dresses I had found at the Sierra Madre as makeshift bandages. But as the time passed, my body finally gave in, passing out from exhaustion.

By the time I regained consciousness, the satellite was projecting the image of an eye to the cinema screen in the drive-in. The desert around me was pitch black, New Vegas the only light I could see. With some effort, I got up, inspecting the satellite.

The next moment, I wasn't in front of the satellite anymore.


	11. Page 11

As my vision returned, a starlit sky stood behind a blue barrier. I was standing in a tower, on top of what seemed to be some kind of dome. I looked around, trying to figure out what had happened. In the distance I could see another dome and ruined buildings. I didn't know what happened, and I only remembered a blue light surrounding me. Suddenly feeling unfamiliar with my own body, I looked at myself.

The only thing that had remained on me was my pip-boy. I turned around, trying to find a better place to inspect myself. Just behind me, there was a door leading to what seemed to be an apartment of some sorts, The Sink. Inside the different rooms, a bed, workbenches, a kitchen, and an Auto-Doc. I headed for the nearest reflecting surface, not bothering to inspect further before assessing damage. I had been stripped from my armor and weapons, my clothes substituted by a patient gown. Knowing it wasn't a good sign, I inspected underneath it, finding scars I didn't remember.

I panicked, nothing hurt or felt uncomfortable, but the new scars on my head, back, and chest weren't good news. I tried to calm down, and tried to find some proper clothing and some weapons before finding out where I was and what had happened to me. I needed to fill the blank space in my memory, spanning three days. I couldn't believe that I had been trapped again. After what happened at the Sierra Madre, I really didn't feel up to having to survive without my equipment again while being someone's pawn. At least I didn't have an explosive collar around my neck this time, but if the scars were any proof, the explosive could be inside of my body now.

As I inspected the rooms, I found my backpack. My clothes, my weapons, my supplies, everything was there. I carefully went through it, making sure nothing had been touched and re-equipped myself.

I headed towards what I thought was outside, finding myself for the first time inside the Think Tank. A place where the greatest minds of the Old World united in the name of science, where nothing could not be solved. The place where the courier who set me up found the answer to his question and where Elijah started his plan.

The scientists who resided there had long passed away, their brains used as the core of the robots they were now. They stripped humans of their brains, experimenting with them and releasing the "lobotomite" to the outside. The same as they had done with me. My brain, spine, and heart had been replaced by artificial ones, explaining the unknown scars.

I was still capable of reasoning, and my body felt stronger and resistant. Thanks to Benny's work, my brain had developed a special condition, acquiring independent thought and apparently leaving on its own while my human heart and spine waited for me in one of the rooms of The Sink, unable to return to my body and the Mojave until I had my brain.

The revelation caused new questions. Did I want to regain my human organs? The new artificial parts inside me made me more capable, and I had a war to win. The question hung in my thoughts while I explored the Big Empty.

As Elijah had told me, the Big Empty didn't honor its name, and I was glad The Think Tank armed me with K9000, a very special mini-gun. Made with the brain of a dog as a part of it, it was the only weapon I could use to deal with the new enemies without having excessive trouble. The roboscorpions where the primary worry, their lasers hurt more than I could imagine and their metallic carcass made them take a lot of punishment before going down. Ciberdogs, lobotomites, automated suits, and all kinds of creatures fell to my new best friend.

..

Big Mountain, MT, the place where courier 5 saved Christine and told Elijah about the Madre's wonders. While helping the Think Tank and helping myself in the process, navigating though pre-war labs, I found the Medical Facility, the place where Christine had been locked and experimented on. Inside her now empty cell, I found a holotape. Her message to the Brotherhood of Steel recorded in her own voice.

I sat down, getting some rest while I listened to her message. Christine, Elijah, and the courier had managed to escape, and once I got my brain back I would be able to cross the barrier that kept the lobotomites trapped inside. I wondered if I could get back once I escaped, I wanted to use the Think Tank to help heal the world, use its technology, knowledge and secrets to the benefit of mankind, as it always had been.

Exploring Big Mountain further through research labs and plains in search of upgrades for The Sink, I found a cave with two more holotapes. The place where the courier had taken Christine while he continued his quest. His voice had been recorded too this time, low and confident. He told her about me, saying he had a message as I had one for him. I was in a daze, listening to his voice in search for answers that weren't there, replaying the recording over and over, as I've kept doing until this moment.

Convincing my brain to come back proved more difficult than I thought. It had found peace in its tank, tired of always being thrown into danger, but it was the only thing I had, it had accompanied me though every hardship. It came back to me, missing the ability to feel the sunlight and wind, to feel the adrenaline rush when I did something reckless.

With my brain, heart, and spine back, thanks to the now fully active Auto-Doc in The Sink, armed with K9000 and protected by my new stealth armor, I returned to the Think Tank. I knew it wouldn't be easy to convince them to do research for me, but I couldn't let them make the Mojave their backyard. I talked to them, convincing them to work for good instead of destroying.


	12. Page 12

With my organs back in place, some benign side effects, a transporter to go back to the Big MT, and some new equipment and weapons, I returned to the Mojave.

I had a clear idea what to do next before returning to you. Now that I had more than enough caps and my body had been artificially upgraded, I headed to the Medical Clinic in New Vegas to finish the job. Dr Usanagi added every single implant she had to my body with the help of an Auto-Doc. I needed to become stronger, faster, if I wanted to survive this last journey and protect the future I am building.

Faster reflexes, improved vision, empathy, nervous system, logical thought processing, probability calculations, enhanced muscles, enhanced regeneration and immune system, a sub-dermal armor, and four other implants from my personal Auto-Doc. It's hard to know how much of my body is actually human anymore.

When I returned to Novac, tired and trying to get used to the results of the enhancements, I was surprised to see you had waited for me all this time. I couldn't tell you what had happened, I couldn't tell you what I had seen and what had changed. I didn't know if you'd approve of my goal, and I couldn't let that get in the way of protecting the Mojave from the NCR and the Legion.

We traveled together again, solving past issues as best as we could, gaining confidence in a future that didn't involve death.

..

* * *

><p>I hope you understand now why I accepted this power, why I am fighting in this war, and why I'm leaving. <em>He <em>is calling me and I need to know why he set me up. I need my answers as I've given you yours.

Thanks to my little expedition in Utah, Zion will be a calm place now, as it used to be. Left in the blood-stained hands of a ghost who will do his best to protect it.

The Sierra Madre won't receive any more curious visitors or treasure hunters. Now that the emergency broadcast is silent, the Madre will be too. Dog will find peace in Jacobstown now, while Christine stays as the silent warden of the casino.

Big Mountain is returning to it's old purpose, building the future, helping mankind develop its potential, using technology and science to thrive and prosper while The Sink becomes my home, filled with chatty appliances, and the Think Tank keeps its discoveries safe until they are needed by the outside world.

The Mojave will change. When the second battle of Hoover Dam ends, someone will rise as its ruler. We'll help the NCR take on the Legion, and with the upgraded securitrons at my side, I'll be able to convince the NCR to step back once everything is over. I can't avoid the change, but if I am the one to cause it, I'll make sure it's for the best.

..

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Finally finished as of date 20/9/2011. Just before Lonesome Road is released.

I hope at least someone enjoyed this as much as I have. I've had tons of fun writing this, as it was more of a personal project than anything.

Any last thoughts would be deeply appreciated, and I hope I managed to make this story as accurate as possible.

Now I'm off to play Lonesome Road and see how much of what I've written here is wrong :P  
>(Don't forget to check out the awesome app link in my profile! ^^)<p> 


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